The Great Laughing Gas High
by Alitote
Summary: The Doctor does something no one should ever have to do: get a tooth pulled! Even worse, he's now too gassed up to do ANYTHING properly. Read how Amy and Rory figure out how to keep the Doctor from doing something super destructive before the gas wears off
1. Chapter 1

**What happens when the Doctor has to do something no one should ever have to do: get a tooth pulled**

**Complete crack and drabble! No flames, critisicm or sarcasm... jk, i want it all! (except the flames, that'd be just mean)**

**Slight AU, but come on, in humor thats practically unavoidable in some stories. Don't worry, we dont see Rory storming into the TARDIS in full mega-death terminator getup and speaking german... hmm... well... (jk :p)**

**Inspired by my bestest fweind Patricia [Last Name Classified] (just kidding, but she's sitting right next to me as I wite this and saying I inspiwed hew since she got a toof pulled((this is ment to sound like Elmer Fudd, i dont really sound like this.(((ITS A CRACK FIC! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!))))))**

* * *

The Doctor was a man of experience, of trails by fire, not to mention just about every other painful material out there, and had come through many ordeals in his 900 years of existence. Yes, he could handle pretty much any pain directed at his body.

Except his mouth, anything but his mouth.

"Arrgh!" The Doctor groaned one day as he manned the control's. He held his cheek, grimacing at the white hot pain being stabbed up his tooth.

"What?" Amy asked, walking over from where she'd been leaning against the bar, watching the Doctor while Rory tried to finalize details for something important. What had he been talking about anyway? Amy wasn't sure, but the Doctor being in pain was a far more amusing endeavor than whatever the heck Rory was talking about.

"Amy," the Doctor whirled around, grabbing Amy by the arms and holding her in place as he stared into her eyes very seriously,"I have an alien sentient creature lodged in one of my teeth. Get my screwdriver and direct it at the tooth. It should be obvious which one it is. It'll probably be all gross and covered in Alien _things_. Oh dear," he turned away, going off on a tangent, "I wish I could see it." But then his head snapped back to attention, "But now's not the time for sentimentiality and missed oppurtunites, Amy!" The Doctor tightened his grip, "Help Me!"

"Move." Rory cut between the two like a hot knife through butter, he replaced Amy and shoved the Doctor back into the controls.

"Rory!" Doctor feigned surprise at the "scandalous" Rory, "Why I never knew this side of yo-"

"Shut up." Rory commanded calmly as he leaned over and wrenched the Doctor's jaw open.

"I hink oo uld e aeul O-e!" The Doctor said as Rory inspected his mouth best he could, his tongue was getting in the way. "Uh aween ooh ahah ay oent!"

"Did I not say shutup?" Rory gave the Doctor's jaw an unnecessary jerk and continued inspecting while the Doctor stewed quietly.

"Amy," Rory called out, not looking up.

"What?"

"We need a dentist."

"For an alien?" Amy was unsure, she didn't want to believe in the possibility that a Dentist knew how to deal with intergalactic beings, but anything was possible to her at this point.

"For a regular tooth that needs pulling." Rory said a little tiredly. Honestly, every minute: alien! alien! alien! What was it with this man and his uncanny ability to turn any human completely nutty?

"Oh." Amy hoped she wasn't going red.

"Can you fly this thing?" Rory asked her.

"No."

The Doctor found this the opportune moment to break free from his oppresing bonds and grasp his freedom.

"_I_ can fly the TARDIS," he said with an air of sudden superiority, "What extermination facility are we taking my poor tooth to? Im not afraid of losing this traitor, but how bad will be the pain?"

"2011, Earth, London, forty ninth street." Rory rattled off the top of his head.

"Earth?" the Doctor said, sounding alittle shocked, "You can handle aliens now?"

"Yes." Rory sighed, deciding to go along with it until it was to late for the Doctor wiggle his way out of anything.

The Doctor shrugged, turning to the controls and spinning a wheel and pulling a lever up and down.

"Geronimo!" He called out as the TARDIS began to shake.

Rory just rolled his eyes, while Amy smiled.

* * *

The TARDIS landed smoothly, stopping in front of a large, square, brown building.

The Doctor shot out the blue door, waving his arms around like an escaped lunatic and calling, "I'M HERE! THE UNIDENTIFIED ALIEN SENTIENT IS WITHIN _ME_!"

"What do you see in him?" Rory couldn't help asking Amy as he grabbed the still screaming Time Lord and began dragging him into the brown bricked building.

* * *

"Ooh! It's a," The Doctor barged through the door Rory pointed out to him, "Waiting Room?"

"Surprised?" a haggard mother asked from one of the large armchairs along the wall. Her son was bouncing up and down on her lap and screaming that he didn't want to go.

The Doctor blinked, then turned to Rory and Amy who were hovering by the door, watching.

"You said you were going to take care of the alien problem."

"We are stupid." Rory said, grabbing the Doctor by the forearm and dragging him further into the waiting room. Amy scurried over to the counter.

"Hi." She smiled, the receptionist was most apathetic in response.

"Ok," Amy started, seeing what kind of audience was before her, "Well, see, me and two of my friends are on a trip, and well, one of us has a toothache. Really bad." The receptionist was still merely staring at her, "Anyway, we were wondering if he could see the dentist?"

"This is a dentist's office dear." The receptionist finally said. Amy bit back a snarky retort and just nodded her head, gladly accepting the clipboard with the forms for new patients and scurrying over to the other two.

"Okay, lets see." She said, sitting down. The Doctor, still thouroghly believing his pain was the work of an alien, was wrestling Rory and trying to get out of the chair.

"I don't _want_ to sit here! I want to sit in the blue one!" he said, borderline whined.

"The blue one is a plastic kids chair." Rory said, clamping a hand on the Doctor's shoulder and pushing him back down.

"Yes," The Doctor addmited, "But that chair is fun."

"_SIT!_" Rory hissed, literally throwing the almost escaped Time Lord back into his chair and eyeing him dangerously as he himself sat down next to him. The Doctor crossed his arms and mumbled something about staying put because he wanted to, not because Rory told him to.

"Doctor." Amy whispered from across him. The Doctor, pouting, swivelled his head to look at her.

"Few questions." Amy smiled, "What's your name?"

"The Doctor." The Doctor pouted, then his face lit up, "My turn, what's your favorite color?"

"What? No! Doctor, I need to fill this out so we can take care of your... alien... problem." Amy hoped no one else could hear her.

"I want to play 20 questions. This way you get your information, and I get all your deepest darkest secrets." The Doctor smiled slyly.

"Just do it Amy." Rory said tiredly.

"Fine." Amy rolled her eyes, "Blue. Age?"

"900. Favorite flavor of pudding?"

"Chocolate. Helath insurance?"

And on it went, Amy filling out the form while answering what her favorite pop singers, kind of cars, body part, age, and type of paper was. She was a little weirded out by the last one, but it was the Doctor so she could only hope that didn't amount to anything to weird.

"Finally." Amy looked over the form, then deflated as she realized she couldn't turn it in; it'd make no sense to the receptionist.

"Just use the name he always does, John Smith." Rory said, amazed Amy hadn't thought of it before.

"Fine. Name: John Smith, Age:... 30?"

"50." Rory said unhelpfully. Amy kicked him and continued to re-fill out the form.

Finally, she returned it to the receptionist who raised an eyebrow at the black cloud-like scratch outs before sighing and proceeding to enter the information into her computer.

"He'll be right with you." She said, turning to Amy who nodded and returned to her seat to find the Doctor and Rory were once again wrestling as the Doctor wanted to "inspect" the wooden child's plaything sitting in the middle of the room.

"No!" Rory commanded, holding onto the Doctor's arms like his life depended on it.

"Yes!" The Doctor whined.

"Doctor." Amy hissed, seeing a mother look over at them, raising an eyebrow in concern of the fighting men and pulling her child closer to her, "_Stop!_"

The Doctor pouted in his seat, "Everyones against me." He whined quietly.

"John Smith!" someone called through a large heavy door.

"Come on." Amy said, grabbing the Doctor's arm and directing him towards the dentist's chair.

"Hey Amy, funny thing, this place looks alot like a dentist's office. In fact that poster over there says 'Dentist' on it." The Doctor smiled as he sat in the chair.

"Well, it is." Amy said carefully, pretending she wasn't amused by the look of shock on the Doctor's face.

"But what about the alien?" He demanded, "Amy, don't you think this'll get people killed?"

"No." Rory answered for her as the dentist walked in and lowered the Doctor's chair into a laying position.

"Hello John," the dentist smiled, "What can I do for you today?"

"Get back about 50 feet, take everyone in here with you, and contact whoever's in charge of aliens in this country besides me or Torchwood." The Dentist blinked.

"Ah. Okay, but first let me take a look inside your-"

"No! No! Let's not do that!" The Doctor began pushing the old dentist away, and almost off the chair. Rory and an assistant had to tackle him to keep him from running away.

The dentist got up, with his glasses hanging from one ear, and a drill clamped in a gloved hand.

"Now young man, I think it's high time you stopped being afraid of the dentist. Now _sit down and let me work on your teeth!_"

"Doctor," Amy leaned down, the Doctor turned to look at her from under Rory's elbow, "If the alien wanted to attack people, wouldn't it have attacked Rory when he looked at your teeth?"

This seemed to dawn on the Doctor, who nodded and immediately stopped struggling. Rory and the assisstant got off him, and the Doctor scooted his chair in for a closer look.

He poked and prodded the Doctor's teeth, and when the Doctor jumped violently in his seat the Dentist put down his tools and beckoned Rory and Amy into the hallway.

"Your friend needs his tooth pulled. It's completely rotten." the Dentist said, stripping off his gloves. "I suggest doing it next week."

"No. Now." Amy said, "We need to get back on the road as soon as possible."

The Dentist shrugged, "Alright."

Then all three walked back into the room where the Doctor was now spinning around on the dentist's chair, screaming, "Im Flying!" While the assistant took video.

Amy snapped her fingers and pointed to the chair, which the Doctor scurried into like a trained dog, giving her an apologetic look with his great big cow eyes. Amy returned it with a stern look, silently instructing him to be good.

"We're going to operate immediately, go grab the tools, and _alot_ of gas." The dentist instructed to the assisstant who nodded and ran out of the room.

"What's the gas for?" the Doctor asked.

"We're going to pull your tooth out. You've managed to rot it through the roots. What were you doing anyway?" The Dentist showed the Doctor an x-ray of his teeth, pointing to the offending tooth.

The Doctor shrugged, "Too many Jammie Dodgers?"

"Well, no more Jammie Dodgers then," the Dentist said condescendingly. The Doctor looked positively horrified at the thought.

The assisstant suddenelly crashed open the door, a trolley filled with a gas tank and a pan of tools on top of it.

The Doctor began to fidget in his chair, "Ah lets talk about this now," he began, trying to get up but Rory clamped his hands down on the Doctors shoulders, forcing him to stay there.

"No! Rory! No! They can't take my tooth!"

"You were prepared to loose it earlier." Amy pointed out.

"That was when there was an alien stuck in it. I don't want to lose my poor tooth!" The Doctor began to flail as the assisstant attached a mask and hose to the gas tank. He began screaming for pity as Rory, the Dentist, and the Assisstant all forced the mask on to him and Rory had to hold it there while the Assisstant opened the gas valves and let the Laughing gas flow freely into the Doctor's respitory system. The Doctor's attempts at escape became weaker and weaker and eventually he went limp, his head lolling to the side. His eyes had glazed over and he was grinning stupidly at Amy.

"I wish I were ginger." He muttered, reaching out to touch her hair, but Amy swatted his hand down quickly, hissing '_No!'_

"Well then," said the Dentist taking up his tools, "Let's begin."


	2. Chapter 2

***phew* people actually liked it. I posted this and then I thought... ah, maybe I shouldn't have... but you people liked it! :D**

**now here comes the fun part! (spoiler alert: everyone dies! mwa hahaha!) ( If you finish reading the chapter, patwicia will reward you a jelly bean(( i dont know what it is with her and jelly beans today... (((please help me! *stab!* Ahh!))))))**

* * *

About an hour and three tanks of gas later, the Dentist walked out carrying a pan containing the Doctor's rotten tooth. He was covered in blood spatters and he had a black eye from the Doctor's most recent attempt at escape. It was a poorly planned, drug incduced escape, but it hurt none the less.

The assisstant stayed behind, picking up the tanks and bloody tools, trying to steer clear of the Doctor, who at times thought he was the Master and would swing limp fists at him, screaming, "My JellyBeans!" before flopping back onto the dentist chair, half blubbering and drooling over something unintelligable.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Amy asked, slightly worried.

"Who cares!" a tired out Rory shook his head. He'd never dealt with a more unwilling patient. The Doctor had actually tried to bite him at one point, thinking he was a Jammie Dodger.

"Hey! Hey!" the Doctor slurred suddenelly, throwing his head to the side they were sitting on and looked at them through glazed over and crossed eyes. "Hey, Jellybeans! Anyone got any Jellybeans?" He grinned.

Amy leaned over to her husband and whispered, "He's not piloting the TARDIS."

"Oh no way in hell." Rory agreed.

"Are you talking about Sexy?" the Doctor grinned, "Ah, I love my Sexy. She's the best machine in history that's ever been built. Have you seen her? She loves to show off, I should show her to you." He tried to get up, but lost his balance sitting up and fell back into the chair.

"Something's wrong with my personal gravity." He looked over at Rory, "Hey! You! Yeah you with the Jellybean face! Help me up! And watch out for the Adipose on the ground, don't want to squish the poor babies." He pointed violently at him, almost scratching Rory's nose with his finger.

"Calm down Doctor," Amy said a little hurriedly, afraid he'd hurt himself, "The assistant will bring in a wheelchair any moment now."

"Ooh." The Doctor cooed, completely enthralled by the idea of a wheel chair, "A chair made of Wheels? That's amazing! Roman Rory! I want to ride a chair of wheels! Can it be cheese wheels? Oh please! I did say please!"

Rory smiled wickedly, deciding to have fun with this Doctor. "No way in hell." He smiled sweetly, leaning in closer to the Doctor, "Not after you bit my hand."

The Doctor looked like he was about to cry, "B-but I can't help that your hand was a Jammie Dodger. It's not my fault your made of cookies and jam! Im surprised your even still alive! How have people _not_ eaten you yet? Your delicious Rory!"

Rory shuddered at being called _delicious_, then sighed in relief as the assisstant banged his way into the room with a wheel chair. The assisstant parked it next to the dentist chair and leaned over, grabbing the Doctor by the armpits.

"Here you go sir. Your chariot awaits!"

"I LOVE chariots!" the Doctor exclaimed, "Romans were so cool with their primitive horse cars! Weren't they Rory? But you'd know all about that wouldn't you, Rory the Roman?"

"Aahh..." Rory trailed off, not quite sure how to respond.

"So you study Romans?" The assisstant asked intrested, "I'm personally more interested in greeks myself."

"No actually," Rory said quickly, "He and I watched a roman movie recently."

"Oh really? Which one?"

_Dangit_ Rory mentally cursed, "Ah... Julius Ceaser?"

"You sound unsure." The assisstant pressed.

"I'm not unsure."

"But you sound - "

"Are we going to Hogwarts or do I have to call Sexy in because you can't stop your conversation on bedsheet enthusiasts?" The Doctor burst out suddenely. He still lay sprawled out in the chair, moving his head about and glaring at Rory and the assisstant.

"Ah, I think we should go." Rory said awkwardly.

"Yeah you should." And with that, the assisstant began pushing the Doctor out of the office, with a giggling Amy and red-faced Rory in tow.

* * *

"The sky's on fire Amy! Quick, get a bucket!" the Doctor said upon exiting the building.

"Where's your car ma'am?" the assisstant asked.

"Oh we'll just take him and call a cab or something." Amy smiled, leaning over and helping the Doctor to his feet. When she couldn't support the wait Rory rushed over and helped her from the other side.

"Did you walk here?" The assisstant asked.

"Yep, don't live that far away. Besides, we're... walking enthusiasts." she said, struggling to spit the words out so they came out sounding right.

The assisstant gave her a skeptical look, "Uh-huh, and you also can't find your car and your trying to save face?"

"Yes!" Amy said, desperatly grasping at straws, hoping the assisstant would leave sooner. The assisstant smiled and pulled out his phone, handing it to her.

"Then please, call a cab. This wheel chair stays here."

Amy cursed silently, this was gonna be hard. She didn't want to leave the TARDIS, but it would be difficult to explain why she would enter a police box with her husband and an incredibly disoriented man who currently believed he was surrounded by Cybermen and was screaming at the top of his lungs that he didn't want to join.

Amy sat down on the curb and dialed a cab company, deciding it might be for the best if they stay away from the TARDIS till the Doctor returned to reality, or atleast, his own distorted version of it.

The assisstant stood there, even after Amy had returned the phone, until the cab arrived. Trying to make conversation with Amy and Rory while the Doctor stared at the sky, announcing atleast fifteen different species of alien arriving in their ships to take over the Earth and how he'd need a large cheese pizza to defeat them all.

"Your friend's into Sci-Fi?" the assisstant asked after awhile.

"I am Sci-Fi! They call me Sci-Fi! Actaully, no, they call me the Doctor." The Doctor paused, "But then who's Sci-Fi?" He turned to the assisstant, "Are you Sci-Fi?" The assisstant stared wonderingly at him, "Hello Sci-Fi!" the Doctor cried, giving the assisstant a large handshake and used the captured hand to pull the poor man into a hug.

"I love hugs." He said, "So huggy!"

Amy and Rory stared, both wishing they had a camera and that they didn't know the Time Lord who was currently wrapped tightly around the Dentist's assisstant.

Thankfully, the cab showed up right then.

"Come along Doctor!" Rory cried, tearing the man from his victim and half carrying, half leading him inside the cab where Amy sat ready to buckle him in.

"Hello Donna!" He said, turning to face her.

"I'm Amy." Amy said simply.

"Woah!" The Doctor said, actually sounding amazed. "That's amazing! I congratulate you on the name change!"

Amy worked on not slapping him as she buckled the seat belt and the car pulled out of the parking lot, driving down the road. The Doctor craned past Amy and Rory, staring at the signs and buildings, declaring them different foods and demanding to eat them.

"I wanna eat that hot dog!" he told Rory, pointing at the Stop sign.

"Pudding! Me want Pudding Amy!" He pointing spastically at a billboard advertising cat sized toilet seats.

"You guys want me to drop you off at a restraunt or something? Your friend's hungry there." The Cab driver said from the front.

"Can youb drop us off at the Maldovian bar? I'd love to give Dorium something to squeal about when he sees me. Course he can't really see anymore can he? He's lost his head!" The Doctor grinned excitedly. Amy shook her head quietly and pushed him back into the seat. Rory just rubbed his temples and sighed, sinking into his own seat and wishing his life was somewhat normal.

The Doctor was finally quiet for a few moments, enraptured by his hands. He'd wiggle them like worms, then making quick chopping motions with them. Then he grasped them together trying to pull them apart.

"Doctor," Amy said gently, "No." The Doctor stared at her like he didn't know her, then backed into Rory, muttering something about Stranger Danger.

Amy groaned, then saw something she hadn't been to in a long time.

Something she had to go into because she wasn't sure she'd be able to go into it again for a long time.

"STOP THE CAR!" she screamed. The Cab slammed on the brakes, sending Rory into the back of the drivers seat face first. The Doctor lunged forward and screamed when the seat belt pulled him back.

"IT'S THE ANGEL! IT'S GOT ME!" He screamed.

"Why are we stopping Amy?" Rory asked, peeling his face of the back of the seat.

"I have to do something." Amy said, bolting from the car and running into a building. Rory, paying the driver, helped the Doctor out and got him up onto the sidewalk, then he looked up at the name of the building.

"Oh no." He groaned.

"Did you lose your marshmellows?" The Doctor asked sympathetically.

"N-no." Rory said, "My wife just entered Victoria's Secret!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Rule 3: the Author Lies**

**I was actually supposed to include the above in the last chapter, but I forgot. Oh well...**

**Now, what do you think's about to happen? a) the Doctor's about to put on a bra, 2) Rory's about to put on a bra, III) no ones about to put on a bra and I should probably move along with the story now...**

* * *

Rory, dragging the half baked Doctor into the store with him, looked desperatly around for his wife. But it was to late, the store of frilly women's clothes had swallowed her up, leaving him to take care of the Time Lord who was currently pawing through a rack of shoes, telling the surprised sales clerk that he had big feet so this would be a hard selection.

The sales clerk swallowed, not sure of what to do. Should she let the man, who was clearly high on something, go about his buisness so she could get off her shift earlier? Or follow him around to make sure he didn't eat the shoes he'd pulled out off the rack and out of their box, inspecting them with a crossed eye?

She had never been more thankful when another man ran over, screaming at him to put them down.

"Look Roricus!" The Doctor cheered, "I found fishsticks!" He held a flip flop in Rory's face, almost hitting him with it as it lolled about in his hand.

"That's... great?" Rory rolled his eyes.

"You sound unsure..."

"Oh don't start that again!" Rory grabbed the Doctor by the arm and half led, half dragged him to the escalators.

* * *

Amy was currently immersed in a world of lace and underwire and satin nightgowns. She did not have a name, she did not have a life, she did not even have memory of the anything she'd been doing up until five minutes ago. She was simply The Girl Shopping!

"Excuse me ma'am can I help you?" a sales clerk asked, popping her head around a clothes rack.

"Yes, where are the latest nightgowns?" Amy asked, throwing a black satin bikini behind her and tearing through a stack of pink undershirts.

"Over there." The Sales Clerk pointed, "Any specific preference?"

"Do you have anything that can withstand the roughest of kidnappings, being dropped from high heights into vats of sick, and lazer guns?"

The Sales Clerk blinked, then began slowly backing up.

"We have some white jackets with some interesting straps in the back if you want to check those out."

"Maybe later," said the clueless shopper, "first I have to find something my husband would like to see me in."

"Your married?"

"I look that young?" Amy smiled.

"Uhh... Sure?" The Sales Clerk said, then turned the corner and sprinted to the door.

"Must have gone to get the jackets." Amy shrugged, throwing a couple of shirts over her arm and making her way to the nightgowns.

* * *

"I'm tired mommy!" The Doctor complained from the cart.

"Hush."

"I want something to eat!"

"Shutup." (With the Huddleston look*)

"I wanna go to the bathroom!"

"I'm not helping you!"

"But. I. Have. To. Go. NOW!" The Doctor began jumping up and down in the seat.

"Stop. Stop! _Stop!_" Rory finally threw the cart into a nearby clothes rack. The Doctor fell out of the cart and onto his face. Rory was sure he heard an unpleasent snap somewhere.

The Doctor pulled his head up and looked over at Rory, his nose broken and blood splattered all over his face.

"I look like my tooth Rory!" The Doctor said excitedly, "Where's Amy? She'll be so proud of my imitation abilities!"

"Ahh..." Rory gave him an odd look.

"Where is she Roman?" The Doctor pointed a quizzical finger at him, a stern look replacing the half-baked smile on his face.

"I-I don't know!" Rory was being backed up against the wall.

"Then we'll find her!" The Doctor exclaimed, thrusting his arm through Rory's and dragging him towards the down escalator, "THIS I SWEAR!"

* * *

Amy heard a large crash downstairs and peered over the banister to look.

She saw her two boys tangled up in a heap with a woman and her merchandise sprawled allover them. The woman was screaming obscenities at them while the Doctor pawed through her stuff and wore the lace bra like a pair of earmuffs. Rory was trying to apologize to her but her screaming was drowning him out.

The Doctor was wearing the womans new robe like a cape by the time Amy had run down the escalator and inserted herself between the screaming hag and her husband.

"I'M TRYING TO SHOP! EITHER RESPECT MY WISHES OR MAKE YOURSELVES USEFUL AND GET ME A GIANT BISCUIT AND A COFFEE!" She screamed, silencing the woman and her husband who both stared at her.

Rory opened his mouth to say something when The Doctor burst into the middle of everyone and screamed, "CAPTAIN JELLYBEAN IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY!" Then he scooped the small woman, who was horrified at how he was treating her clothes, and ran to the other end of the store, assuring her he was doing her a servant by removing her from people who like taking other people to alien do-away-with agencies that were really dentists offices and then got one of their precious teeth get pulled out.

"He's aware of that much?" Amy asked in amazement as they gave chase.

* * *

"I'im sorry. You can keep the clothes. The bra's to small on me anyway. I just wanted the bragging rights." The old woman cried after about five minutes hiding with the Doctor.

"Shhh!" The Doctor shushed her, waving a feather quill in her face and checking outside the curtain, "They'll hear you!"

"Who?" She asked, pretty sure it'd be utter nonsense when he answered.

"The nasty egg people who stole all my waffles**!" The Doctor said, pouting and his lip quivering.

Yep, the old woman thought, utter nonsense.

"Now this is very important." The Doctor said, trying to act serious but failing desperatly because of the laughing gas, giving off more of a seriously stoned appearance, "If your going to be my companion we need ground rules."

"I'M OUT OF HERE!" The old woman screemed, getting up and exiting from the front window display.

"No! What about finish off the Rainbow army and the galgtic armada?" The Doctor cried.

"Young man you seriously need to lay off the drugs!"

"It's not drugs it's happiness!" The Doctor screamed.

"Hey! Doctor boy!" Amy screamed, coming at him with a belt. The Doctor screamed and tried to run away, but instead smashed into the nearby wall and decided to do a take two of the whole scene, giving Amy enough time to wrap it around him when he crashed into the same wall for a second time.

"You'll never take me you fiflthy radishes!" The Doctor exclaimed.

"I'm not some disgusting radish, I'm the equivalent to a slice of chocolate cake and I am the best darn cake anyone'll ever eat thank you very much!" Amy snarled, her face going radish red, as she forced the Doctor down the store. They turned the corner and almost ran into Rory, who jumped back.

"Amy! You look like a radish! What happened?"

"I'm not a radish i'm cake!"

"The best darn cake you'll ever eat Rory!" The Doctor added, trying to be helpful.

"Ah... ok? Amy, we gotta get him out of here!" Rory said, "Get the bra and robe off him and let's go!"

Amy nodded, slightly downhearted, and reached up to unhook the bra but the Doctor screamed like a banshee and said they were his protective ear wear.

"And if you remove them the universe will explode in marshmellows and not the cinnamon kind!"

"Can we atleast take off the robe?"

"My cape? But I wear a cape now... cape's are cool" the Doctor said, giving Amy the puppy dog eyes.

"Then we'll have to buy 'em." she said, her heart a puddle of melted goo, "Rory!"

"NO!"

"Then i'll buy them." Amy said, leading the Doctor to the cashier.

Rory facepalmed, "Why do I hang out with these people?"

* * *

**The correct answer: 7) I trump all**

***Select few will understand... Patwicia made me include that... :,( (Help me! *SMACK!* AHHH!) **

****Virtual cookies for anyone who can guess where that quotes from and who said it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Patwicia sends out her sincerest (i do not believe i spelled that correctly...) regards and wishes you a happy skittles sandwhiched between chocolate bunnies while eating jellybeans day.**

**The quote was from the anime the Teen Titans (anyone else remember that show?) when Cyborg got the computer virus and hallucinated Robin, Raven, and Starfire were fried eggs. :) It seemed to fit into the situation.**

* * *

The three time travelers exited Victorias Secret after purchasing the Doctor's "earmuffs" and "cape", or, more accuratly, they were chased out by the employees they'd managed to scare during the transaction with the Doctor's "flash dance" moves he'd suddenely remembered from way back when. Needless to say the accumulated crowds response was not wonderous applause, but to chase them from the store with long poles ussually used to put things on top of really high shelves.

"Look Amy the clouds are glowing! It's amazing!" The Doctor exclaimed, pointing at the sky spaztically while jumping up and down.

"Great. Wonderful. Take the bra off!" Amy cried out, the effects of a womans store fading and returning her to normal.

The Doctor, doing an immpressive impresion of a mad squirrel who's winter stash had been threatened, turned to look at her and hissed in an unnaturally high voice, "_Never!_"

Then he bolted, waving his arms out like a mad man and almost running into a truck... twice.

"Why do they always run?" Amy cried, giving chase.

Rory groaned and ran after them.

* * *

They found him in a public park, examining a water fountain.

"Amazing!" He cried, poking the stream of liquid that admitted from it, "It's _cold_!" He continued poking the water streams until Amy grabbed him roghly by the shoulder and dragged him to a park bench where he believed he was riding a pony, commanding it to go higher otherwise they'd go into the super nova. Amy finally had to take him out of the park when the hot dog man finally got on his phone and began making a call. Amy didn't need the police on her case right now. A drugged Time Lord was really enough.

"Doctor." She said, shaking him to get him to pay attention to her.

"It's the fire lady!" He said. trying to poke her hair, but Amy swatted his hand away fiercely. The Doctor rubbed his hand tenderly, looking like a hurt puppy. Amy felt her heart tremor for a moment, but steeled herself, remembering he was a drugged lunatic currently on the run.

"Doctor," She said, trying to get his attention, but he kept looking around, believing some sort of bug was circling his head, "Doctor, Doctor! _Doctor!" _Amy finally shouted, earning the alarmed stares of several passers by.

"Yes Sybilliene?" The Doctor grinned.

Amy rolled her eyes, honestly, he made no sense sometimes, "Doctor, we need to go somewhere more private so you can get through... this."

The Doctor looked confused.

"But 'this' doesn't want to be hidden away," He took a few steps back and began twirling around, letting his arms flop about, "'This' wants to..." He raised his flopping arms above his head and then jumped in the air mid-twirl, landing on his one foot and nearly hitting a homeless man nearby with the other,

"Sing!" He finished.

Amy remained silent.

"You want to sing." She said flatly.

The Doctor nodded his head furiously, "Yeah."

"Right here, right now."

"About yeah. What'cha gonna do ginger?" He laughed at his own... joke?

"Can you even sing?" Amy asked.

"_Y-EEEEES_!" The Doctor sang in a shrill tone that immeadiatly gave Amy a headache.

"No." She decided, grabbing him by the arm and begining to pull him down the street.

"Help! The Avatar's oppressing us!" The Doctor screamed, "Chocolate pudding and custard to the next Dollop who saves me!"

"All those drug abusers these days." An elderly woman said to her friend next her, "Just bring the image of this nation down." Her friend nodded vigourously in reply.

"It's not drugs it's assissted happiness!" The Doctor screamed to them as he and Amy passed by.

"See?" the woman said to her friend, who nodded vigourously again.

* * *

Rory caught up to them ten minutes later. Enough time for the Doctor to see a donut stand, beg Amy very loudly for a donut, be rejected, then steal her wallet and buy half the vendors wares.

"Why is his face covered in an applebutter jelly donut?" Rory asked unhelpfully.

"He saw a donut stand." Amy said shortly.

Rory shrugged his shoulders, still confused, but said nothing more.

The Doctor looked up from another donut, half of it already joining the ranks of the other donuts smashed on his face, and waved at Rory before diving back into the donut. Rory stared for a few long moments before forcing himself to look away from the spectacle and help his wife figure out how they were going to deal with the nutjob before them.

"We could always take him, you know, _there_." Rory suggested. Amy shot him a sharp glare.

"No. Not there. Not _ever_ there!" She shouted, causing the Doctor to shield the half mangled donut from the fierce Amy Pond.

"But it's perfect for nuts like him!" Rory argued. The Doctor nodded as though he understood what was going on.

"He'll never want to leave!" Amy countered.

"He will when he's normal!" Rory said.

"And what, may I ask, is 'normal' for him?" Amy asked.

"I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD-"

"QUIET DOCTOR! WE'RE TRYING TO DECIDE WHERE TO THROW YOU!" Amy screamed.

"Me be quiet? You're the one yelling!" the Doctor exclaimed, talking through his donut, waving it around like a puppet.

"The Doctor knows all!" The Donut exclaimed, "He's bright, funny, awesome, delicious-"

"Now really Glaze, Delicious?" The Doctor seemed to be slipping into a conversation with himself, "Isn't that a bit far?"

"Not for me." The Donut said, nuzzling the Doctor's cheek, "You're the tastiest thing on this planet to me."

"Does he realize he's flirting with a half-eaten donut?" Rory asked Amy a little worriedly.

"I don't think he realizes anything anymore." Amy shrugged.

"All the more reason to take him _there_." Rory prodded, poking her arm. Amy swiftly punched him and their argument resumed.

"He'll never leave!" Amy groaned, "And besides, how do you know he'll remain interessted in that place long enough for the gas to wear off?"

"... I just do?" Rory said weakly.

"Oh do you?" Amy dominated the conversation, Rory felt himself shrink despite himself.

"Yes." He said, trying to regain some ground in their argument.

"You sound unsure." Amy said snarkily.

"I am not unsure!" Rory cried, "We are going there and I don't care what you say Amelia Pond we are taking him there and you can hit all you want later but you will be thanking me as you do so!"

"FINE!" Amy screamed, "I SAW IT AROUND THE NEXT CORNER BY THE WAY! DOCTOR! LET'S GO!" Amy screamed, grabbing the Doctor's sticky wrist and pulling him down the street with Rory in close pursuit.

"See Glaze," The Doctor said to his donut puppet, "They fight all the time but deep down there's a shred of respect for eachother that they express through screaming matches and passionate argument." Amy gave him and "accidental" jerk, nearly pulling his arm out of his socket while Rory sniggered.

"See they were made for eachother." The Doctor said through gasps of pain.


	5. Chapter 5

**Patwicia says hi and hopes your enjoying jellybean covered chocolate donuts with extra jellybeans day...**

* * *

Amy sighed as she finally entered the establishment she'd been so against: Mcdonalds!

Her reason? The play set would be a certain trap to keep the Doctor busy until the gas wore off, but it might be the perfect thing to keep the Doctor busy afterward to. And Amy certainly didn't want to have to explain to the cops why a grown man was playing in a play set for twelve year olds at any point of her being here.

That and, fears aside, Amy didn't want to have the smell of feet, sweat, and plastic forced up her nose.

The Doctor absolutely loved it. He ran around the establishment, getting into absolutely everything he saw. From napkin holders, that he dropped and there for broke, to salt and pepper shakers, which got snorted up his nose making him sneeze his brains out till there were tears in his eyes, to the "twirly" swivel seats mounted at two seater tables around the dining area, which the Doctor almost hit the wall with by playing on them.

"Get him in the play area!" Amy screamed, "GET HIM _IN THE PLAY AREA!"_

Rory rushed forward and pulled open the door with a giant cartoon knight plastered over the glass, with a speach bubble over his head saying, "Where Kids Can Play!" Rory hoped no one would notice the Doctor as he ran onto the play set commanding an imaginary army to take out the Daleks who were in the middle of trying to steal a box of fries.

"PROTECT THE FRIES! PROTECT THE FRIES!" He charged at an old lady who threw her fries down and fled to the bathroom, screaming the whole way.

"Five bucks says he's thrown out in ten minutes." Amy said grimly to Rory, "Then what'll we do with him?"

"Throw him in a bedroom in the Tardis and hope it holds him?" Amy smacked the back of her husbands head, "We dont want him anywere _near_ the Tardis idiot! Who knows what he might do should he get to the controls before we can stop him!"

"He'll probably just go back to the moment we dragged him out of the TARDIS to take him to the dentist to try and freak us out."

Amy was silent.

"Yeah, let's just keep him here as long as we can." Rory said sheepishly.

The Doctor threw a fry at Amy, spattering a small amount of grease across her face. The fry landed at her feet, and was promptly smashed as she went rushing at the Time Lord.

"For the love of-What the hell do you think your doing?" Amy screamed, causing many parents to look and pull their children to the side, some even began pulling out phones. Rory began looking around, for a weapon or something of some kind he could use to beat back concerned parent should they attack. Maybe the plastic trays if he did something stupidly crazy with them?

Amy grabbed the Doctor by the coat and started shaking him, "You. Do not. Under any circumstances. Throw food at me!"

"Oh Im having so much fun!" The Doctor laughed as Amy proceeded to throttle him.

"I'd ask what your doing but I think I have a pretty good idea." Someone behind her said.

Amy dropped the Doctor, letting him fall to the floor. He yelped but was quiet, muttering something to the half eaten donut still in his clutches. Meanwhile, Amy turned to see River Song standing behind her, smiling and trying hard not to laugh.

"Hello River." Amy said a little breathily, Rory standing behind River shrugging helplessly. River smiled and took a step over to the Doctor, kicking him once in the thigh. The Doctor waved her away annoyed and proceeded to inspect his fingernails, asking the donut for its opinion.

"What's wrong with him?" River asked.

"Uh, well, umm..." Amy started, glad when Rory interrupted by saying, "He's on laughing gas."

"I didn't realize you people were so taxing." River said, "I mean, if he needed something for quote-unquote, _medical_ purposes I have a friend on the ninth moon of-"

"Not like that!" Amy shouted, causing the allready nervous mothers around them to clutch their children closer. "He had to have a tooth pulled and well, we can't take him near the TARDIS in case of what he could do while he's like... that."

"Ah," River smiled, "Will he remember anything?"

"Hopefully." Rory grinned, "I mean, the bra helmet and everything will be something he'll never live down after all." River giggled.

"They're just jealous." The Doctor cooed to the Donut below them, pecking it on the... er... glaze.

"Oh yes, what's with the Donut?" River asked, "I meant to ask when I walked in."

"He's uh..." neither Amy nor Rory knew how to explain this.

"Listen Mr. Glaze-man," The Doctor struggled to his feet, but used sticky hands to claw his way up Rory, who winced, "We're clipping your finger nails next!" Rory shouted. The Doctor wavered unsteadily on his feet.

"Listen Mr. Glaze-man," The Doctor repeated, "I have no job or income, cannot keep a companion for more than a few seasons, and live in a space ship made to look like a police box that I can barely fly. But I am strictly in love with your daughter and wish to marry her on the hour. Will you give us your blessing?"

River stared in a mixture of confusion and horror, leaning over to look at Amy and Rory who were both bright red with embaressment and shrugging uselessly.

"What have you done to him?" River asked, voice uneven and horrified, "Ive been replaced by a pastry!"

"Happens to most women River." Rory said before being jabbed in the gut by Amy.

"It's okay River, this'll only last till the gas wears off."

River nodded, turning back to see the Doctor making out with the mangeled, half eaten Donut. She shrieked and slapped him across the face.

"Sorry," She huffed, "Couldn't stop myself." The Doctor looked up to see her staring angrily down at him.

"River! Darling!" He grinned, "You've been replaced I'm afraid." River shrieked again and kicked him.

"River!" Amy cried, her and Rory pulling River back, "River he doesn't know what he's saying!"

"Let go!" River cried, shaking them both off, "I'm sorry Amy, but this is horrible! I'm leaving!" She turned to leave but fell on her face on account that the Doctor had rapped his arms around her ankles.

"Doctor!" She screamed.

"Don't leave Santa!" the Doctor cried, "You didn't ask the Donut what she wanted yet!"

"He's replaced her and called her fat." Rory whispered to Amy, "And you wanted him over me?"

"He's got a TARDIS." Amy shrugged.

"Uh, Im sorry people, but you'll have to leave." a McDonalds employee said, walking over to them, "You scaring away all of the cus-"

"I WANNA PONY ELF!" the Doctor screamed, throwing a McFlurry at the guy. It landed on the poor guy's head, slopping down the front of his uniform.

* * *

"AND NEVER COME BACK!" The ice-creamed Mcdonalds employee screamed, throwing them all out.

"Well," River said, getting up and brushing herself off, "Not as bad as the Nascar race in '55, but better than the bar fight in '07." She reasoned.

"But fighting's bad!" the Doctor said childishly, clutching his Donut in one hand and the employee's ice-cream stained hat in another.

"Come on." River said, grabbing the Doctor by the shoulder, "I know where to go while he's still like this."

"Where?" Amy and Rory cried, running after them.

River looked back with a wicked grin, "The Park."


	6. Chapter 6

**It's summmmmmmmmmmeeer! The season of the Jellybean platypus robberies... CORNDOG CORNDOG YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY!  
Yeah I'm just trying to come up with random junk for this section... jellbean junk... hey! Alliteration! That's good enough!  
Now sit back with a bowl of Tac'Os and watch... and keep an eye on your pussycat...**

* * *

River, tired of stopping and waiting for the Doctor, who repeatedly managed to trip and claim he'd lost his feet, grabbed him by the bowtie and dragged him through the gates of the park.

"Wow, it really stays on!" River exclaimed.

"It's cause I kept trying to rip it off like I did with the fez." Amy explained.

"Well if you did I'm sure the Daleks would find him at that moment." River teased.

"That was not my fault! It was coincidence!" Amy shouted.

"Someone's a little touchy." The Doctor said next to her, as he clawed his way up Rory again. Rory stood there, after he'd stopped screaming, checking how deep the nail marks were.

Amy and River looked at the Doctor, could he actually understand what was going on?

Then he turned and poked River, "See? I can touch her and she doesn't do anything." River slapped him when he tried it again, "Okay, now she's just cranky." River rolled her eyes and walked over behind a tree.

"River?" Amy said cautiosly, "What are you doing?"

"Something."

"River! We're in public!"

"I know. Best place to do it."

"RIVER!"

"What?" River held out a plastic bag, inside was a 12 carton of eggs.

"Oh." Amy sighed in relief.

"What'd you-oh my-AMY!" River screamed as the realization dawned on her.

"It's a tree, everything's all weird today..." Amy tried to explain.

"I am a grown adult! I think I have a little sense!"

Rory pointed at the Doctor who was kissing his donut, "So is he, and he has absolutely none gassed or not."

River groaned but didn't retaliate, instead she walked over and tapped the Doctor on the shoulder. He turned, and for a moment eyed her questioningly, "What ever your selling I will take all of it."

"I want you to throw this," She held up an egg, "At them." She pointed at Amy and Rory. Okay, so maybe she did retaliate a little.

The Doctor grinned wickedly, then grabbed the egg and threw it, landing it on an unsuspecting woman twenty feet away talking on her cell. The child next to her started laughing. The Woman however, snatched the childs ice cream and threw it at the Doctor who was waving at her, telling her he hoped she liked the present. The Ice cream hit him square in the face, making him scream from the cold.

"COLD! COLD! COLD!"

"Here, take this!" River handed him another egg. This one hit hit the policeman, who ran at him with his batton. River threw another and the Policeman ran away in fright.

The Doctor scraped off the ice cream on his head and threw it. It landed on a respectable buisnessman who had been sitting there eating his lunch. The man promptly screamed like a woman, and threw his briefcase. This hit the child with the now Ice cream-less Ice Cream cone who threw the cone at the man, missed, and hit an elderly woman. The woman screamed, yanked a tennis ball off her walker, and threw it at the child. It hit her square in the face. The woman, intent on avenging her child, threw her phone at the old woman, who ran up to the woman, swinging the walker, screaming, "You wanna go? Huh? You wanna go? Let's go! Right now!" The woman was all but too happy to oblige as she swung her purse at the old woman. From there, everyone else fell into chaos. The respectable buisness man got into a fistfight with a hippie, the old woman and the woman were in the midst of their own fight, the child cheered them on from the side line, and the other inhabitants of the park were either fighting, throwing something, or screaming at people outside the park, challenging them to a fight. Some obliged, others just ran in terror. One man turned to his friend and said, "Dude, totally Detroit '92."

"That couple throwing the eggs looks like the same couple then too!" His friend pointed out.

"That should be fun." River muttered as she handed the Doctor another egg, which he lobbed at Amy, but missed and hit a random cat. The cat hissed and ran away, scratching at random people it passed.

"Yep, it was, especially when you pretended to be high on laughing gas just like I am now." The Doctor said next to her.

"WHAT?" River cried.

The Doctor grinned wickedly at her before pecking her on the cheek, "If I wanted to replace you, I can do _much_ better than a half eaten donut."

River smiled, then slapped him as hard as she could, he landed in a pile of broken shells and egg goo.

"Ow." He muttered before getting up, "I didn't slap you!"

"Did you know?"

The Doctor was silent for a moment, "Yes." River slapped him again, landing him in the same pile of good and shells.

"How long have you been alert?" River asked, lobbing an egg in a random direction and hitting the now not-so respectable buisnessman.

"Since I emerged from Victorias Secret in a bra and bathrobe." The Doctor glanced over at Amy and Rory who were in the middle of an epic bread stick and garlic butter battle with two seven year olds, and the seven year olds were winning, "But don't tell _them_, I got a good thing going here."

River gave him a raised eyebrow.

"What? I get to act as weird as I want and have ultimatly no consequence!" the Doctor said as innocently as he could, throwing an egg and at the same time whipping out the sonic screw driver so it exploded in Rory's face. Rory was none the wiser, for when he looked in the Doctor's direction, he saw a man hanging onto River, kissing a Donut pationatly. He rolled his eyes and continued losing his battle while trying to protect his wife who probably would have been safer with a jar of mayo. Oh well.

"Your a jerk you know that?" River laughed.

"I know." The Doctor shrugged before throwing another egg, "How many are in that carton anyway?"

"I got the industrial size." River shrugged, "I was gonna do this with or without you."

"Never, ever, do anything without me River." The Doctor said as passionatly as he could while finally being hit with an egg. Someone else had an industrial size egg carton apparantly. The Doctor fell to the ground, flailing and screaming.

"THEY GOT ME! OH NO! THEY'VE GOT ME! SOMEONE HELP! OH THE HUMANITY! I NEVER GOT TO SEE GLAZE ONE MORE TIME! PEANUT BUTTER!" He screamed. River squatted next to him, "Laying it on there a little thick aren't you?"

"Maybe." The Doctor shrugged, "Now," He held up an egg, "Avenge me!"

"Gladly." River looked across the park, then spotted the kid throwing eggs, "HEY! YOU! SLITHEEN'S OFFSPRING!" The kid looked at her, "CATCH!" She threw the egg, and at the last moment, when he was sure no one was looking, The Doctor shot up and used the sonic screwdriver to make it explode all over the kid. From there the two ran up and down the main sidewalk of the park and threw eggs at anything that moved.

"You know River," The Doctor remarked a little bit later, "The only two barely scathed are you and I," He turned to grab another egg and threw it, "I mean, that not-so respectable buisness man over there is very unrespectable, those women over there are completely beat up, Amy and Rory are gonna have to be washed several times and," He turned to grab another egg, "Ah River? What are you doing?" She was aiming an egg at his face.

"I'm afraid I'm caught up in battle lust my love." she grinned, "Defend yourself!" She fired.

Before even thinking about what he was doing, he grabbed his own projectile and threw. It hit River the moment the egg hit him. Both fell dramatically to the ground, covered in egg and rasberry jelly.

The entire park went quiet, everyone stopped what they were doing to look. Then everyone remembered themselves and stopped imeadiatly, going very red in the face as they regained themselves. Amy and Rory got up, covered in bread and garlic butter. Then slipped and face planted on the concrete, missing the next few moments.

"Felled, by a donut." River commented.

"Atleast it's only half a donut." The Doctor shrugged from where he was lying, covered in egg.

"That has your slobber all over it!" River cried suddenely, getting up and throwing it back at the Doctor.

"Oh! Glaze! You perfect soldier you!" He kissed the mangeled pastry as Amy and Rory ran over.

"Let's get out of here, you know, before anyone realizes we started this." Amy said breathlessly.

"I think that may be a little late." River said, pointing at two officers racing towards them.

"Run!" Rory screamed, grabbing one arm of the Doctor and River grabbing the other. Everyone raced over a hedge, through a garbage can, and under a troll bridge before they were back on the street.

"That TARDIS isn't very far from here." Rory commented, checking what street they were on.

"He should be calming down soon." River said, pretending to check the Doctor out while Amy helped Rory reach a piece of bread stuck to the middle of his back with garlic butter.

The Doctor grinned maliciously, "Get them to take me to a restraunt." He whispered.

"Why don't we take him somewhere to get something to eat?" River asked, "A place without a play area maybe?"

Amy looked to consider it, while Rory nodded vigourosly and grabbed the Doctor by the bow tie, dragging him down the street and around the corner, where they found a Subway.

"Well," Rory grinned, "That was oddly conveinient." He dragged the Doctor through the door and threw, literally threw, him onto a table.

"The world is quite rocky today Glaze." the Doctor smiled at his Donut dreamily. Then he shot his head up, shouting, "Get me a pickle! And a chili dog!"

"He does know this is a Subway right?" The employee asked Rory.

"Don't mind him, he's mad." Rory said absently, preparing to order as River and Amy ran in and sat down with the Doctor, dragging him off the table and sitting him up like a normal human.

"I want a Dalek plushie!" He screamed suddenely.

"A wha-" Amy began.

"PLUSHIE!" The Doctor began to scream hysterically, "PLUSHIE! PLUSHIEPLUSHIEPLUSHIE!"

"I'll get you a plushie!" Amy yelled over him, "Just shutup!" The moment she got up and left he was silent again.

"They are gonna kill you when they find out." River grinned.

"I can understand, I almost killed you when I figured out you were faking. Course, you were faking the whole time, I just took advantage of the situation."

"They're still gonna kill you."

**The Doctor. Trumps. All.**


	7. Chapter 7

**"Get on the trike!" "Nothing says a mothers love like a warm platypus butt!" "Look! It's a serendipidous idiot!" "Save! Save! Save!"**

**This is the LAST CHAPTER! Also, I was reading some of the reviews, and I've decided to _think_ about writing the River High on Laughing Gas. There is a poll on my profile page for people who want to read such a thing :)**

**And if that isn't enough for you, PM and pester me to write such a thing! (seriously, use the poll) :p**

**Patwicia thanks you for reading this novelty and hopes you many happy peanut butter jelly bean sprinkles days! (save me!)**

* * *

The Doctor appeared to enjoy the sub sandwhich, when he wasn't throwing the tomatoes at the walls or the lettuce at an angered Rory.

Eventually though, the Doctor tired of such childish amusements and set to curling River's hair with a straw. River rolled her eyes and laid back.

"Do you think he'll ever come out of it?" Rory asked miserable while Amy shrugged skeptically.

"Maybe the gas finally melted his brain." Amy theorised. "I mean, the whole day has just been one tragic stupid accident after another. I'm surprised he didn't try to find a more ridiculous bow tie or another stupid hat to wear."

The Doctor forgot himself and immeadiatly sat upright, "Bow tie's are cool!" He exclaimed, pointing his finger in the air in an authoritative manor.

Amy and Rory stared, anger welling up in them.

"Your normal."

"And speaking like a sane person."

"You've been fine this whole time have'nt you?" Amy cried and the Doctor's eyes grew wide with fear.

"River, I believe it's time to go."

"Don't drag me into this." River said as she sipped her soda and watched as Rory and Amy came at the Doctor who jumped over their attacks, leap frogged over them, and then tore out of the resturant while she smiled as she drank her soda.

Oh the fun she was going to have when it came time for her turn.

* * *

The Doctor almost made it to the TARDIS.

Almost meaning he was two feet away when Rory did a magnificent leap into the air and tackled the Doctor to the ground, both cracking their heads on the concrete while Amy stood over them and smiled wickedly at her doctor.

The Doctor looked up at her, "Sorry?"

"Oh you have to do better than that. Rory," Rory looked up at her, "Get him inside, tie him up, and get..." She trailed off, opening the TARDIS and walking in behind the door.

"The peanut butter."

Rory let an evil smile come over him as the Doctor gasped and cried, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" As he was dragged inside to meet his peanut buttery doom.

The door slammed ominously and the TARDIS disapeared in a flurry of noises and flashing lights. The Doctors screams could be heard as the TARDIS disapeared, and even for a few seconds after.

River stood on the street corner, laughing at her Doctor before stalking off to do what she really came here for, all the while planning what _she'd_ do when time came for her to give her Doctor the run around by pretending to be high on laughing gas.

As the ideas came to her, she laughed harder and harder, some bystanders begining to think her insane as she passed them.

* * *

**Thank you for enjoying this story. Now, it is... COMPLETE!**


End file.
